About R.E.

Branden Knab, better known by his internet alias Robust Enigma, was born on Sunday, the 12th of May, in the year 1991.

He is a devout coal miner, with a snake-like tongue that he uses to navigate the moist caverns of filth in which he lives. He finds solace in the scent of a freshly made shoe, and the sight of feathers.

It has been noted that he doubts reality is real, as he may, or may not have, actually spawned from machine code that was executed in 1987.

He identifies internally as feminine, with a strong masculine exterior due to years of social constructs. Also, his nipples can be used as fire extinguishers.

Without the loving support of his "Minions of Internet Land" his concept of hope, and dreams of a brighter future would begin to breakdown into a mash of chunky swill, scented lightly of feces.

You can find his presence all over Internet Land, though, his presence in "reality" is generally limited to a spare room in his two bedroom townhouse in Western New York. This room is his domain, his office, studio, and den of solitude. The one place he can escape the pain of living above ground, outside of his coal mine.

He has a wife. She is quite hot, and has a resting heart rate of somewhere above 80. She is his candle in the dark, his good luck charm, his muse. Sort of like a severed rabbits foot with an led attached to it.

He is currently battling to keep his benefits from Social Security, due to debilitating mental health issues that leave him unstable. He once attempted to "Sabu" your mother through a coffee table.

Life and death for Mr. Enigma are a seamless continuum, where he frequently envies the average mortal's blissfully ignorant life cycle.

You should give him money, so that the bureaucracy of the Galactic Federation of The United States of America doesn't destroy his life-force whole, leaving him a broken shell of a man.

He supports causes like SETI (the Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) and The Planetary Society.

He is also terrorized with memories of taking homes from sad, broken, and exploited citizens during the financial crisis of the early twenty teens.

Praise be to RNGesus. RNG being, Random Number Generator, the creator, and destroyer, of all things "reality" has to offer.

Lastly, he has a personal bodyguard, the feline Toki Wartooth Knab. Without his daily protection, the deterioration of personal emotions would have crushed Mr. Enigma long ago.

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