06 September, 2016

I Feel Like Writing

This past month has been so weird. Ups and downs, sidesteps and diving for goals. Yet so little feels "right."

I'm not sure if "right" is the proper way to describe my lacking of feelings. In all honesty, I'm not sure any of this will make sense.

Recently I've felt passion, excitement, hope, sadness, fear, love, joy, happiness, but none of it feels right. It all feels like I'm sitting passenger on a ride I've got no real participation in. I'm a lifeform living on the memories and concepts of who I'm supposed to be.

Every statement even feels weird coming out. I have a vision of me, of my future, of my life. Yet nothing feels like I'm personally participating in getting there. It's pretty damn weird.

I do feel good though today in regards to two things. Even though I couldn't stay up in-between actions, and slept most of the day. I was still able to feel successful. I fed myself. Twice. Cereal for breakfast, and then two simple sliced turkey wraps for lunch. Now when I say I slept, I had breakfast, fell asleep. I woke up, did a small sink of dishes, pooped, texted Britt, made lunch, and fell asleep again. Then, I woke up, finished up the dishes with another small sink load, and brushed my teeth and showered. Now, I feel drained. It feels so pathetic to feel drained when the day is sliced up so much, but my excitement of being able to help myself today is nice. If only I didn't feel so beat though.

Anyways, I'm kind of rambling, and I dont was to just type for the sake of typing, so I will end this shortly.

It feels weird to feel like you are a passenger in your own body. It feels weird when you stumble drunkenly around, without having even a thimble of alcohol. It feels weird to be loved unconditionally, despite all of the upset I feel I cause.

I guess, all in all, life is just weird.

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