13 July, 2016

Losing Hope, Trying to Smile

I'm finding my mind drifting. Slowly going a stray, lost in this damnation, our eternal fray.

The prospect of being forced to work is growing. I can feel the gripping hands of economic requirements strangling me, getting tighter and tighter, faster and faster.

I've learned so much in these past four years, and I am thankful for the support I've received,  but I can't help feeling like I'm going straight out of the boat, and into the ocean.

My current goal is to keep writing, one day, creating an article for the website Cracked, or something, explaining just what it has felt like to go through these emotional times.

I think one of the worst feelings for me has to be the negativity people have toward those receiving benefits from state and federal sources. The constant judgement is disgusting. It is like poor people are not allowed to have nice things.

For instance, I have a smart phone because I have wonderful friends who allowed me to have their old one for free. I receive wonderful haircuts, because one of my best friends is trained in cosmetology. I imagine that if nails were a thing he was into doing, and I was into receiving, he would dedicate the time and resources to creating me for who I wanted to be. Yet I would be judged for looking "done up."

One of the other things that brings me to a boiling point is the idea that people on disability and welfare want to be there. Really, do you think a person would choose to live below the poverty threshold? Eternally stuck in a balancing act of surviving and expenses. I know I don't enjoy that aspect.

The compassion for people, our brothers and sisters, our friends and loved ones, our co-citizens of this fine nation is disappearing. In politics we see entire platforms running on the ideas of cutting programs that support the lives of hundreds of thousands of people, all in the name of greed. We, as a nation, have learned the concept that it is okay to disregard others,  so long as it is in the name of money. Greed, lust, jealousy. These are what entire platforms are running on, and it is sickening.

Yet,  these problems aren't just localized here to the United Stated of America. It is a global crisis, a global provider for hatred and segregation. Furthering the creation of invisible lines in the sand, as if between two rival siblings during a squabble. However, these siblings resort to violence instead of words, and threats instead of compromise, making for a gruesome cycle of hatred and pain.

I'm tired of living like this. In the past I've thought about running away, trying to become a citizen in a different nation, but I don't want to run. If our great leaders ran from the problems of an unstable nation, we would be in a very different reality than almost any of us could imagine.

I don't want to be known for running. I want to be know for standing, quietly, contentedly, for the things I know are right, not only for myself, but for the greater good around me. I am tired of expressing words that mean little, in the name of filling the void. My hopes is to talk less, by speaking in a more focused light. Then, when words aren't required, let the world travel on, and my hand/mind do the rest to express my thoughts and emotions into the world.

We all long for change, however, is the change you long for a net positive for society, or just yourself and/or your small social click alone? If the latter is the case, it may be time to focus on who you are as a person, and reflect on the events that have brought you here today.

I don't expect you to change over night, no. However with a conscious effort,  more and more quarks will become apparent, leading you to a way f o create a healthy you for yourself, and those around you.


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