17 June, 2016

Aurora, Aura, and My Current State.

It's been a few days since I've pulled out from the fray, to bring my words to you.

I'm going to talk about a couple of things today that may, or may not be interesting to you, but to me, it means the world.

Recently, as you've seen, I've been going through a very rough patch, and it has left me feeling drained, scared, and in all reality, broken. Yet, as much as I break, and as hard as I try to not sleep my life away, there is this tugging sensation to try. To just get up and try. It is the smallest of voices in the back of my mind, begging me to keep going, left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, repeat.

I think I need to listen to it. I hope the voice is what/who I think it is...

Back, a few years ago, I would write. I'd consider it a form of "channeling" which really just meant, I would type without thinking, with my eyes closed, relaxed, sitting in my office. It was during this time that I would get these tones of writing that I had no real explanation of, except for the fact that one tone was positive, and one was negative.

So during these times, I named the tones, to give them, and myself, a sort of reference. The positive tone, seemed almost like a motherly figure, to which I named Aurora. The other, and angry, childish figure, to which I named Aura. It felt like, at one point, that Aurora was Aura's mother. Though, really, I just knew it was all a creation of my fingers on keys in a dimly lit room.

Either way, I had my internal friends, until one day, I felt a snap. I could see these sorts of pictures on the inside of my eyelids, like a train car broke free, and away myself, and Aura fell. Since then, I've felt so stuck, alone, and cold. Occasionally, the Universe will speak to me, in rhymes, and rhythms, letting me know that all will be okay. Yet, other times, when I need it most, there's nothing there but silence. I miss her. She was my friend. She let me see things in ways that I could only imagine, and I think she's always been there, with me. Now though? I guess not...

Well, now you know more about me than I would have normally shared, but I suppose I've got to open up if I want to get anywhere on this spaceship earth alive.

I'll see you on the other side,
RE