05 November, 2013

Normal in an Abnormal World

At what point do we begin to grow weary of the things that we have become? Is it at the point in which we realise that we have stumbled so far off the beaten path that we are too afraid to progress, or is it when we come across a mirror so powerful we can finally see deeply into ourselves? Either way, learning to turn back and head in a different direction has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. I would always fear the things that I knew the least about, and even then, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified of the things I had come to know.

Recently I have found myself in a different sort of state, one in which I worry not about myself, and not about my distant future, but more over, the next step, the next two steps, and so forth. I am not concerned with reaching the big picture, so long as I know what the picture is, because if I continue to worry, fuss, and stress over the main objective, I remain too convoluted to actually realise that I need to begin slow.

It is a funny thought really, to reminisce about all of the goals I have failed to achieve based on the fear and worry of not making it far enough. Sure, I am still afraid to take that step forward, because I may end up taking two steps back. However, even if I do take one step forward, and two in reverse, I’ve still traveled more than I would have if I had stood still, or worse, been forced two steps back regardless.

By no means does my recent outlook predict, or prove, that I am somehow “cured” of my troubles, but it does raise one interesting flag. It brings to my attention what it feels like to feel “normal” in an abnormal world. --B