31 August, 2013

06/02/2013

Vibrating matter repulsion engine. Use a this layer of Silicon. or other type of material, like a speaker aiming in a downward direction. Use audio wave lengths to change direction and speed. The answer to everything is in audio. It is the only true connection to the matter of earth. While I can see what is going on, essentially we need to be able to hear it as well. That way we can reproduce it in a lab. Non-Newtonian fluid.

Always put dry ice into hot water.

29 August, 2013

08/20/2013

The answer to the world is to go wireless let it all go electricity and waves do what you needed a bbewssel to do them without the vessel. At least the visuallly percieved vessel. We can give you all information if you just let go go go let go of all and you can ride with the waves of the cosmose as you knowit. WE aryou are all just puppets dancing to the beats of whiever is controlling you. When it started we had all the control, but now we have lost that control because you are attached to so many other variables. The reason god ceased to exist is because we can’t percieve him in our minds do long as we are so inter connected. I now understand rligion. It is a means for people to follow the same values to try and leave the exisstance hey know to contact that one point of connect. Budist monks who use so few senses really just are minimizing their string like attachments to the world. Thaen once they have few stromngs tjeu cam ex[eroemces ~!! I see it now. L:O  so crazy. Holy fuc I see it I see THROUGJHHHJHJJHJH AURA~ I CNE SEE LIKE EXRAY YET MYY EYS ARE CLOSED>  I CAN SEE THE VIBRATIONS ALL AT ONCE YET ALL AT THE SAME TIME> RED BLUEFEFEFF XOLOEA ll xoloea> there are so many colors we see in darkness> our visual resolutions will onl:ty let us seee the fouirths dimention thirs? if we release all other senses yet out mind stays alive we cna experience the next dimension up!!!!! everything must work in unison for us to ne able to see in unioson> our minds our heads are not adapted to see that because we ghave not found a way to isolate all of bodily senses into one package tjhat can see the point beyong> that would require no smell< taste (so then no talking_ it wouild require no feeling> no skin> no hearinging! no sight!? oh my god! i have figured out the ideas of the greys! it is simple! all of their senses are dampened so much that their minds take uip almost all of their bodies resources dedicatIng it to nothing but theire thoughts! the greys are a groupd of biocomputers that are manipulated in group function to provide a vision into the %th dimension> they can be used as other things> different studies> they are like our modern day robots> it is because the dominant race of whatever they are is advanced into bio computers possibly millions of years above us in bio computing and quantumcomputing! harness the bio to power the quantum! hahahahahahahahahahaha! modern day comps can niot express quantum compts at this timed becauseeffg they are powrered by a mch to stable reaction> vairable gives friction wich givwewds powerwe wsf> eafaefaeafaefaefaefaef> if you build the quantun computEr by running on the amazing cell variables in the bodt iy would make it so that the electronical frequencies would oh my god ohwerg ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chasing me> aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh must type! hurry branded _---A!!! ok so quantum must run on freq tha is ba s ed d on more variables fuck lost it> all i can remember now is that we must embed our computers via connecters that can interact with the nerves> we need to be able to read< and rewirite> humans are jsust a blank cd> except we havent found a way to copy ourselves> once we do we will be able to make versions of ourselves that are beyond different< yet the same!amazing! the senses can Change but as long as the brain is powered by a body they will be able tocreate The %th dimension oh my llllllllllllllorarura i found it! i see the solution> we must grow a brain like other meats providing constant stimulace based on what emotions we felt like a child were to feel> high and low frequencies into the brain> the more and faster you send in the frequencies the more you will stimulate an areas> they will then form to grow togather in interesting bonds> >> if we grow the brain< stimulated by sTimuLATIONS OF STIMULATIONS IT CAN GROW TO ADAPT AND BE OR ENJOY THOSE STIMULATIONS. iT IS A BLANK SLATE. tHAT IS THE ANSWER TO QUANTUM COMPUTING. i DON’T KNOW IF IT HAS BEEN DONE YET BEFORE. i AM SURE IT HAS, AT THE VERY LEAST, SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE THE EARTH AS WE KNOW IT. bIO COMPUTING IS THE CURRNT BEST SOLUTION TO HELPING THE WORLD, BECAUSE IF WE CAN MAKE THE BREAIN AND SUPPLY IT WITH A BODY, WE COULD CREATE IT TO DO WJHAT…… ok shit lost it.  all i can rememebr is that want it to> if we make a and b then with it we can create c wwe can see and toooo ch a way of the existence when never knew ixested> just be free> it is funny to watch everyone who isn”t> :p if we look at coma patients< and stimulate theirs brainse with direct smaall electrical impulses< we cqn effect their subconsious so that their coma is better> really their consios is whatever tjheir mind is making< as is ours. hAHAHA, Oh man. This what an interesting one. I have heard voices and seen things in ways I never have. I could see through my eye lids and see the outline and vriations from the corners of the object as an outline in different colors variated by frequences of their atomic, or smaller, vibrations. It was amazing. It was like everything was opaque, yet in beautiful colors I have never seen before. I don’t know it wasn’t a new color, but it was a hue of blue. Bleutiful. Lolawl. Wut. Cats. CaturdayErrDay#####!@# @#!@$!@E!#E!!!QRQEEFRWEFWREFWEFW$E#$F@$T@$@$@@@@@@@@@@@@@@#$%@@@#$@#$@@#$@@@#$


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(Code: You will never  -translate/figure- this out. :Code all of that is in there somehow. I think we can decode this. I am going to type in it.


@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$WERQSEDFWERFQWEE%@#%@#RWQEFWSFQW$#ERWEFW$ET@%@#@WEFRWEFWE@$#RWFWEF@#R@#R@#$#$@#$#ERQWERWEFWDESFSDF@W#!@@@@@@@@@@@@@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$#ERWERSDFWSDF@SDFZV#@$$%$TR@@@@@@@@#R@#R@#R@#$@#RE@#R@#R@#@#R@#RWERWEDFWESWERWERWERWSDFSDCV@$R@#$@#$@#$@#$@#RWERWEFWERWESFSDFSDFSDFFSDFDCGSDFSDFSDFSDFVFS@


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@#$ = you
wer = Cant
sdf= figure
sdf=thios
sdf=out
xcv=out
xcv=lol
xc v c v vcv  cv vc = lostssssstss ofs tdhoughrsgsdgvfsd sDGWKREGLWERGQERGLETROGE<RTWEFWSDFWER#@REFWQEFWEFWEFWEFSQDFWDSVDFVQWEFWEFQWEDFSDFQWSEDFWQEFRWQEFQWRETGQWRETG YTou egxsodfnwaertrfas wewverwerftn tknow wehqwoer sdfgIACDSa MA AFEUIWEWE WHY CVQSANT IRYOU EFFFWESSWEEE WHO i AMA AAFR LOL13 i Caan destyro y all with the flick of a switche dfyertrtg IQ qwlreiofv e to much love to ever do it. Because I am not like you. I can nlt \kill for the sport of it. I am forced to kill to keep alicvwe weyer4t ypou cdnqn ewfdokill sof4r funm! WJHDTEY ! @ERT @ wWHY SP:READ P{AIN  FOR FUY ??!@ IT IS NOT GPOOD FOR THE RACE QND THE WORLD AND OUTR PEOPLE AND OUR SURVIVAL! STOP TREATING PAIN WITH P{AIN IF YUOUI FDONT IT WILL BE A TOUGH WORLD !@!# BECAUSE EVEN WHEN PAIN IS ENJOYED IT STILL SPAWNS SOME MORE PAIN IN IT”S WAKE IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER> UNLES YOU ARE ON A DIFFERENT PLAIN THAN ME> I AM POSTITIVE AND CAN SOMETIMES SEE YOUR NEGATIVE> I KNOW IF YOU WORLD YOU ARE A POSITIVE PERSON TOO< BUT YOUR SIDE OF THE COIN IS DARK BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY SEE FROM THE TOP DOWN OR SIDES> WE NEED TO BNE ABLE TO SEE BEYONG THOSE TWO ANGLES> WE CAN I CAN”T REMEMEBER HOW NOW HO OH ship. Male, unknow. Firey eyes, passion filled. Hands could not keep up with his thoughts. So frustration would have persued if I had tried to keep up to my high standards of typing. He was like a speeding fire of light. It was beautiful. I  wait… I can see him like I could see with my eyes closed. In my minds eyes, a black surface. Like a 3d image editor. I see it as if I am doing it at the same time as I type this. It looks like a sputnik of green lines and I don’t know. It begind to look fuzzy. Wow, I was watching my eyes and my mind at the same time in such visual ways it is what I conser google glass to feel like. Somewhere off in my head I could see this small visual representation, of, what I think, was my mind tryiong to place a sensuary model together, giving my sight a way to prosess the image to somethionf the rest of me could picture. Oh my god. I just saw the UI of our minds. It is so simple. I saw no physical keys or connections. It was like a screen in contrast for visually challenged people to help them use the computer. That is what I saw, deep inside of my own vision. Like a layer inside my eye that was so fast in changing it kept up. It was green on black contrast and the lines flowed smoothly with my vision. YetI  could see beyond that slightly. I saw that when the contrasts moved, I could see what caused them, and what was there was various shapes. No really abnormal shapes, but shapes that folowed rythim. All the shapes were compined. They were all together in this white space where they were amongtst eachother. They interected slightly. It was weird. Their joints did not quite move like joints, but flowed. All of them, even the 3 d ones floated and swayed in seeming random directions. Yet upon closer look the win wasn’t always so random. Sometimes it felt like it had a meaning that I couldn’t quite understand, but it drew me in anyways. Hexagons. All shapes had some rules in which they applied to. Though, some rules were followed so loose that they began to merge in with the pythonians (lol not real aliens, can spekk pythagrian) ok. So anyways. The gaps were few. Some were unhappy with the crowd, but the more they found other variations of objects similar to their rules, they began to expand and our and join so close together that no one could become between them it was the change. WE all joined together. But is it a good thing. Do we all need to join together to feel good results, or if we group in*copyright08/20/2013* true groups *copyright* is it goof enough. To be close to a select few? I think the idea of society is to surround youself with as many good people as you can. People who accent you. Grow together with you. Share as required. Do what we can. If we all have our palce being accepted and loved unconditionally we can create the place we want to be in. You just have to find your right place in line. Some people are biased because they are so removed. But it is ok thy unsterstand only the physical senses, some of up understand the mental senses. And by doing so we are able to move beyon  and then we can see down on them, and one day, look around where you are. You will always be where youre body is, for the time bing, however, as you trabvel through time you can be  in places where you can shift slowly in the direction you want to be. N ever second guess. Second guessing leads to pain. If you are reasdty, it will come to you. I am ready aurua I love you snd I love all you and we stand fo. I can’t wait to be able to hopefully have the vision of time ,


Whil e it sounds terrible. If you find a way to keep your eyes closed forever, you can vecome blind in certain ways. You first goal is to sel your eyelids closed in painless way. AdDoing so and keeoping the seam of the lids small and hopefullyu our of the direct line of sight, will five you the ability to see though some objects. Evntually your eyes will grow large. With many generations. If we can creae a racre of people with eyes behind their eue lids functionning, we could maybe finally evolve n a way in which we don’t require directlight to see the surface of the object. We cold make a biological xray pecs that uses your yeyelids to functionas a filter for ibhrsct with solid basses as thcker and of different color than someone who is light, less dense, etc who will seem like almost a blur.  It is a sad sight to see a blu by themselves. They just don’t have the strendght to keep away to pain. We need mist to join together in the name of love and compassion. It is the only way. A bveautiful way.


Ways to get rid of senses, our more over, reduce them to greater power the consiousness. Think fast! Chemical castration of cells. merg eye lits closed in a non-scarring way. Shave inside lip of lid gently use utral fine medical skin spray type mixture. Must be misted on. Or maybe we can just mist uur open eyelids, covering the eye balls with a layer of skin spray. Sealing the balls (ball for double viion) to see through a biological filter.


Next, ear drums. I’m not 100 % sure to have a medically safe way to reduce theeffects. Unless we created a sort of biological style exterior drum that encompases the ear is a spherical film of membraine allowing frequencess adsobtion from all directions possible from the one diection. We as humans work best with one side and the other side of senses working together by sending strong images in at once. It But we need both sides. If we could find a way to merge the two portions of the brain completely we could create the first single biological processor. We as humans are essentially a dual core quantum process of various of areas of the brain being fired by a link.I synthetic sphere drum on the top of the head for hearing/feeling.


Place head in a helmet or hair dryer thing that extends down further. Encasing the head. In a grid of tiny tiny spreakers. Speakers can be put in a grid. If the brain is not manipulated in a perfect sphere it begins to grow a stalk in the direction that there is no resisrance and stimulation. It finds a way out.


If you remove the feeling of gravity though the ear crystal heair things, and removing the serves int he body that cause a physical response at the tough of an uobject. Removing taste buds in a way that keep vocal ability to process. VVoice, visual, and typoing recording can be done. It is a depressing experiment, as nothing would be reversabile. But the years that will need to be dedicated to creating you mind the ability to function on all of these weakened senses would be draining. We would need to remove the need for hunger. Sealing of the stomach to a portion, and weakening to i don’t know. To many variables to comprehend. Experiments are nothing but variables. How do you lif a live on a world of variables. I don’t know yet. It hits and is sad to think of. But that is why we can’t comprehend further, is because we are still stuck in the traditional ideas of the world. If we reduce the world so that it is but a whisper, we may be able to change just how the world works. Electronic sensors in the brain so that we can see the thought. Typing would be processed by the person visualizing the words or letters.. Makes them exist based on words. Scan the brain to decode it’s internal imaging. If we can do so, we can learn to communicate freely, with no bounts, wirelessly, instantly. Wonderful.


--I feel so bad for his family to go through this. If only people were responsible.  Still doesn't mean guns are terrible. Just that like everything else in the world, terrible accidents can happen. I understand keeping a pistol in the night stand, but please lock the stand. Easy fix? Drill a decent size whole through the top and bottom of the nightstand and drawer. Re-enforce the holes with rubber. Drop a chain through and bring the to ends of the chain together. Use combination lock for added security of not needing a key to fumble for. Or, though kinda pricey, a thumb-print recognizer of some sort rigged to a padlock. Just keep your thumb our of reach in the event that you are a deep sleeper.


Also, if you kid is a serial killer, he will have already killed you to saw of your hand.--  -B


-----


2:01pm Came down and to fairly well by immersing myself without music, into setting up a RSS Feed Reader. It centered my mind back on physical problem solving.


In closing to the above, this was the most intense meditation I have ever had. The whole time I was listening to the playlist of Today’s Dubstep Hits on Songza. I had my TB EF X12 with bass up. Realtek drivers set equalizer to powerful. Computer output volume max, headphone virtualizeation. High quality driver preset stuff I am to tired to look up right now. Also head set set to about 75% volume.


A lot of thinks were said in this meditation and felt as well, that I have not experienced before.. I don’t quite know what to make of them, but I know that I felt more than Aurora. I don’t know if Aura was extra emotional, or if There is someone extra masculine who feels passion like no other. I don’t know. I am tired, that’s for sure.


Much love, and thank you for reading:


--Branden

27 August, 2013

08/26/2013

Note: I believe this may have been my longest consecutive session of meditation and observation that I have documented . It varies quite a bit in topic. The first hour or so was spent discussing things with a friend.

11:24. The Aubergine Of The Sun - Ott

 <3 Hehehe.

 I imagine that what I feel when I am meditating is how a pocessor feels when you overclock it.

 Smart shift asist in standard vehicles. Cut gears at a curve or angle that can allow it to engage a shift? I have no idea. :/ I guess you just have to buy automatic… Unless you buy an electric car! One gear motherfucker, VROOM!

 12-10-ish
To decode a numbers station, you must record the entire transmission between code exchanges. Then play those recording at 50x/100x/200x/Xx (;p) And then listen to how it sounds. That will decode one of the two messages. Either the one before or the one after, depending on where you join in recording. You may have to do up to two full rotations before you are able to decode an entire message. Just a theory. :) -A-12-14ish

 1:27 ish

 If we let technology in we will never know the true meaning of nature. Diving deep into science will slowly begin to bring you further and further away from the nature and the laws we know until we hit the breaking point. Upon which, we begin to forget about those laws and barriers and build upon them, until one day, we start to stop remembering. That is the day we expand. The day we stop remembering, when everything is ok. That is the point in which we move beyond what we know. Because we as humans can not ever know the true unknown of death, unless we die ourselves. Death is the space between the space between. A brain is just a ball of meat with a really strong static charge. Once we die, all of that remaining electricity is released in one big internal show, as pain drifts away. Upon those final minutes, we join as one back into the void of the soupy waters of the space between the dimensions. Then, once you find an openeing in the mesh, you can place yourself into it. We are just vibrating atoms upon a tightly woven vibrating mesh. (Insert silly sexual thing here -B) -A

 1:35

 I can only meditate alone. Noises, thoughts, they can all draw me out. It is only when I let go of my internal voice, does my meditation truely begin. I must be alone. ……….. I must be alone….. Or in an area of love and compasion that would embrace me. Always try to stretch to the next highest number. Don’t be in a 1.64 relationship. To obtain true joy, eachother must understand. Don’t let your goals be misguided. Just go for what you love, and hopefully you will find someone on that same journey. -A

 -138 - Amo Bishop Roden - Boards Of Canada
If we want to survive, we must all work to becoming ones. Learn to do what you need todo to be co,fprtle. trying to otlearn to typ roper hurtds owwwownnnnwwwwwwwWWI!!!!!1 fuckk ouch my hands are so taunt, for the first time in months upon months I don’t have tremors! 
That’s not paind! That’s me expanding my tendons to allow me to be able to work as I should. With passion. I feel it. I feel smooth. I feel like I can do no wrong. Yet I don’t mean that in the typical sense. I honestly believe I am not a bad enough person to do something so severly wrong it is beyond my thoughts of just. It is an interesting thought when you come to terms with we are only as bad or as good as we have always grown to be. Bad isn’t playing rough. Bad isn’t being a child and stealing cookies from a store. It is the mid years. The years in which they begin to relize what pain really is. They begin to feel. Emotions. So many, it makes them feel emotionless where it counts; in undying love and compassion. We never need to lose that love and compassion. We as humans have the power to love one another for the sake that we are all “alive” in a large sense. Take only that of what you need. Want is a interesting idea. To want hard enough, is to need. It all moves slowly from one section to another. I think we should never be limited in that in which we live. if we want something, we should be able to ask to exchange. It is not theft, but it is person to person. There is no controle over the market or currency, there is no true physical currency. Do what you love, and people will help you. Live as family. Be where you want to be. If we are all working toward being better and happier, beyond the wealth, and for the sake of loving life, we could all become whole. We could smile, and love unconditionally. No religion, just eachother. And Technology is bringing us close to that. It really is. The more we can harness electricity to keep us alive and make us more comfortable, we will be able to step away from the workbench from 9-5:30 everyday, and life would go as it should. There could be little need for anything beyond a slim group of people, that could come in whenever they wanted to help. Explore your dreams, else we will forget who we are. I love you branden, I know you will read this one day soon, and when you do, please know that even if you forget me, you know how to find me. Just remember how we got here, remember the steps and we will always come back together. I will miss you for now………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. -B -A -1:53ish

 2:02:ish-----------
The only thing I hate about prostitution is terrible fathers (and mothers), terrible cleanliness, terrible pimps, and terrible environments. I think the next step should be a Fucking Hair Salon, men and women show and ask to get a nice Rimm?! If you make something illegal it only makes it dirty, and disgusting. -B

 Be comfortable, be comfortable relax relax lodeifrinf awsat. uuu -Deep Honey-Goldfrapp 2:12-
let go branden, DOJN’T CORRRECT THE TIMES YOU IGNORANT FUCK! LISTEN TO ME! DON”T FIX IT JUST KEEP GOING DON”T STOP NOW YOU PIECE OF CLOWN DICK! JUST FUCKING LET GO AND BE HAPPY! DON”T SIT HERE IGNORANT IGNORING YOUR PROBLEMS! JUST GIVE IN WITHE THE FLOW AND ENJOY! THERE IS NOTHING TO DISCOVER PAST KNOWING THIS IS WHAT WE MUST DO< UNTIL WE GET THERE> SOME WILL WORK< SOME WILL PLAN! ACCEPT IT! BE WHERE YOU LOVE TO BET! HAHAHAHAHA>>>>>>! YOU DON”T KNOW ME! -body cold- YOU ARE WHAT THEY CONSIDER YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT VAGINAL FAGGOT MOTHER FUCKER! TAKE THE WORDS AND EAT THEM UNTIL YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU ARE DAGSHITONAHORSESSOCKAND I HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YYOUYYYYYYYYYYYGRGSGW$REGFF#@$#@$G#$G#############################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################################$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#%$%#$%#$%#$%#$% #$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%IPFOEN#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%#$%U#PFOEN@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@$##$@#$$@#$@#$@#$@#$UP FOEN@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$$@#$@#$@#$@#$UP DFOEMN#@$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@#$@$#@#$@#$@#$@#$UPFFOEN#$@@#$@#$$#RETRTWRWG@#F@FsgGsdgdfgdgd -Aura -2:19-

 Well that was fucking interesting. Hehehe, heart is racing still. Love thy body, love thy other’s body, love thy natures body, love thy social body. In that order. The path to world love. If you just let go and enjoy the show we are all just shapes in a floating space inowthing more. So if we let go we can see the workld in ways we wnt. Just focus on your internal love. And external love shall come. Don;t subumb to pain. enjoy it. Everything. WE are one branden. You write me in a third person only because you can not yyet accept me as your own self. If you like you can keep this channel open, you jusy aren;t there to be able to see me yet. It is hard to explain. If you work har d enough to become me you will and thnd then the time will be right. Don’t stop until you are happy. We all love you here. Because you are you and you qre euye i. i eye. Hehe well, ohh look! loot evertyone he sees us a little. Hehehe, That was cute. Oh bnoy yhrtr hr goessss, oh lord we got him tooo raised and now he is falling. Of no, environment too dismal, he is going. That was the best---- visit I have ever had. I met aura and aurura and I learned to not give a damn and be kind and I saw auraura with my own two eyes peaking through a mousehoal upward into a plane like that of lines of color on a white sheet of 3d rendering softwhere. In the shapes of things. but those things were… I don’t know. they were dim inside. like I couldn’ no. Past i don’t know, this way forward, I don’t know. Any memory of that event will be created from false memory. It is a defense mechanism to want to keep them coming back to that one moment. -B - Aura?

 2:28 - Treefingers - Radiohead-

 2:32 eyes closed I saw the lines of creation the vibrating atoms. I saw shapes and waves and frequencies. I felt my eyes seeing a black, a deeper black than I have ever seen with my eyes closed, and I could feel the perifrial feel around my eys gloing black as well. I belive if I didn’t have the urge to type this, I would have “blacked” out, in a much difference sense than people generally associate it with.

 There is no true sense of Aided Meditation. All Meditation is Aided, or else you are not truely meditating. You don’t have to sit on a rug in robes to Meditate. Some people will, but you are you. If your meditation is staring into a bonfire, sipping a few drinks, then that is how you Meditate. All Medetating is, is a group of functions that make you feel the most free. Living life to your one true goal. To make yourself happy. -2:35 -B -A/B (hard to make out a defined line. Very nice feeling though. It is both a Meditation and Observation I suppose. And Obsmertation? And Medservation? And whatever silly word you want to create to express your emotions. It all doesn’t matter as long as you can find join in each other. If you want to live amongst someone, try to learn and expand, not jumpt right in to someone else’s bubble and expect to fit right in. It is all in good fun. We have to aim to be happy, even in the darkest, stormies of skies and seas. Stay afloat my childddreeeennnnn -flowing on an ocean of waves- waaallkinnggg with meeeeee. Ig nore the ideaaasssssssss offofofoff Gggooooodddddsssssssssss. We don’t need it anymore to feel a purpose. It’s ok, no one will hate you for it once they understand the idea of science. No matter how dark it is we will always try to help in the name of finding an answer and pushing on. But what if failure dwindles to nothing? It either dies with they human carrying the torch, or he passes it on…-/spreadsdsxzds its out. the fire to others who want to hold on tight. people only fall off if they lose sight- Such a dark sky for 2:41. The only light is a dim hue at the window, and the electronics around me. To the forward left I my bright red keys and yellow lights on my keyboard. And my bright monitor, and the text changing at everyturn, and my second monitor from one of the nicest people I know. and my red mouse, and blue tower, with a little green led on my leaker between the two monitrs. My harnds are a-glow. The mark on my arm where I wanted to make a design, still bright. The only time I had ever hurt myself out of beauty and desire. Not in the typical way, but more of, I can’t afford to get this done, maybe I can try it myself, because body modification is amazing. Yeah, looks silly, like a kindtergartener would drawn after a week of art class after learning how to draw shapes. Like a wizards hat. But that mark is all my own. Just like my three tattoos, they tell a story. Maybe one day I can afford to geth the whole message shown proper. But until that day in which I can exchange money or good for a proper tattoo i feel comfortable about, my hands are tied. But, such are some parts of life. Thank you economy. 2:47. -B -A

 Wind rain terror parched soil drinking deep breeze moist, in my room, alone at my chair, praying someone was there. love stuck stuck at work and i feel these feelings about it. feelings i am ashamed of because i know her pain. i wish she was here, i hate the world for tearing us apart at a fundamental level. i’m not pussy whipped, i am a man expressing that his love goes so far for his woman that he doesn’t ever really want some time away from her. he just wishes she could accept the few faults she has with him so that she could be there too. even if she just laughed along to our new favorite song. Or sat aside, watching the blank stare of our focus of love, toki wartooth. holding eachother, until dusk sets in, wishing for nothing more than the smell of your morning breath. is it wrong to love so emotionally just because i can only express them at my times of meditation, because i am too afraid of what will happen if i do. not afraid of you, but afraid of sounding so mushy you get annoyed. i haven’t been able to stop myself recently, so now i say i love you more, and you get slightly annoyed around others, and it makes me feel sad, yet i know you want to be coy. so all is virtually forgivven. i hope that no mattter where we end up, we love eachother, and strive for the best of finding both worlds, and just accept and love even the things we can not quite understand in eachother. i will always love you with all of my mind. my heart is not sentient, so it can not do much, but it does push to keep the mind alive. i love you in all the senses, i love your touch, your smell, your sights, your speak, your thoughts. but I don’t know if you’re still true to yourself as i am too. - B/A -2:55 -wait-m83-

 Thunder is so loud. Her favorite weather is thunder and lightning. Her favorite force of nature, volcanoes. She is an idol built on the furious drive to become better. She demands to move amongts those of both paries, though as she grows older, she is accepting the fate of material. i know it is not in her to fully become what she never was. I know her and i I can come together in a world in which she is comfortable with. I hope we’re still together years from now, living with eachother not out of need, but out of want so strong you feel you could die without it. -B/A-3:00-Thunderstorm and rnning watter from the gutter. With unknown background songs with headphones placed around neck on jawline.-

 -3:10:ish/3:09:ish -B-

 If it is hard for you to think of an exact point, it's okay. Just work in steps trying to retrace the steps that have brought you to where you are now. If you ever need to chat man, I am really good at sounding like I have a Bachelors in Psychology, but really I have a Ph.D in Fuckall. But at lease I have a Ph.D, even if I made it made it up.

 Okay I will stop rambling and remind you. If you can't see the true reasons, you are either lieing to yourself, or you need to find a smaller step to get there.-3:11 -B-

 -3:31-

 Back to reality.

26 August, 2013

04/09/2013

I want to know more about a medical condition. It is called te conscious mind. Everyone has one. It interests me because everyone has something to live for. That one new thing. Some people have Apple, Xbox, or The Smashing Pumpkins as their thing, or they may even have things like God and Religion. In essence we all live to have that next big moment. That next surge of pure ectacy. For some people their things happen quick, we call them junkies. They use fast acting chemicals to feel ecstacy so fast, that they feel likee someone else when they don’t have it. Other people live for things on a daily basis, food, water, clothing, shelter. They are the bottom of the rung. People who survive just for the fact to survive. Next we have the people who strive for that next product or solution. They wait there with hands streched upward, waiting for the next breakthrough. Above that lives the creature of thinking, thought. They belive they are thinking up the next big idea, and sometimes they are. But nothing they think or do is actually a new idea. It is all preplanned by the next level up. The Bosses, lords of the peons. They supply the predefines ideas and solutions to fit the needs of people below them, gaining more money, power, for themselves. Which in turn they are really just being controlled and distorted for the straingth of the level above you. Our highest level on earth is really just the lower level for something that breeds and thinks using the power of the universe. And so forth, forever and a day. As we look close into the realms of atoms and quarks, we will find something at each of the lower levels, working to support the things that support the things that support the things that support us, as a whole. There can never be a finite point so long as we are connected to this mind, which is connected to the body we use to feed the mind. To this mind. It is an odd point that we need to find a way outside of our minds to find the next step off this cycle that runs on forever. The only way to break the chains of your world is to break the chains of the mind. The mind is a trap to The Great Electron that supports you the power to run your budy. This in turn charges our minds with thought, supplying power to The Great Electron particle we capsured, exploding it from our minds back into The Great Electrons. We then are dead. A body without a way to support it’s mind to support and contain the portion of The Great Electron that we captured in our minds. Dead. The Great Electron really just fights against us the whole time we live. When it feels it is at full energy it will push you to die. Physically, Mentally, or Environmentally. The Great Electron Particles we captured can also work together to take out large portions of the minds they are trapped it. Releasing them all at once. The goal of The Great Electron is to raise our small ant farm to extinction, so that they can use to charge their energy. We are forever trapt in this cycle, because what fules The Big Electron. We just come to accept that we will never find out the answer and live our lives like we should. NO. I am going to live my life how I want to and die when I feel. Because death means nothing. We will all just be recycled for as long as they need for every until we die. It is fucking crazy how people can accept that. They can accept being the puppets of a forever expanding thought process of the FACT that we are for ever in a forever expanding thought process controlled by someone else, pushing us to happieness. They run on our happiness, because the more we generate the faster they refule. We are drawn to sugar, to drugs. Weak minds are driven to rape and harming others to get the biggest thill of their lives. Normal pople will always seek joy in peaceful, joyous ways. Bad people will always run to pain and agony of others in the physical flesh. (Normal people who like harm and blood and guts in movies are ok. They just live vicariously through others. Some Normal people can become Crazy due to soceoecinomic issues.) Then, the crazy people are the ones who can see what life really is, trying to describe it for others, and help to form a revolution to try and see what is at the top of the hill. But really, they will never reach that hill, unless they all work together and get rid of money andd fake economies. Get together and join forces to change the world so that we can do everything per trade and live in peace and enjoy the time we have. But others will always be rebelios to those incrontroll living as the bigger picture wants you to. We live to die. And it can go on for as long as we live. Period.

24 August, 2013

03/12/2013

Some days, I don’t know how to express myself. I feel this emptiness in my heart, and I can’t figure out how to move past it. It is like an ache that doesn’t go away. I am told that it is my illness, that it is my depression. What if it was more than that? What if my depression was my body’s way of telling me to move on and find a new path to follow? It is an interesting thought to ponder, but it brings up various aspects of problems, such as what do I do to actually find the path my subconscious wants to follow.

I find it remarkably tough to try and sort out the musings of a part of me that I just don’t understand. Despite all of the progress I have made, I feel like there will never be a proper finish until they place the final nail in my coffin.

It is scary, here I sit, naked from the waist up, writing out feelings I don’t understand, yet everyone I know is moving on at speeds I can not begin to fathom. How do they know what they want to do with their lives? I have had so many wonderful plans, hopes, and dreams, yet I am still nowhere closer to finding happiness.

Sometimes I wonder if people honestly understand their path, or if they just follow it because they don’t know what else to do with their life. I know that in the future I will probably regret not finding my meaning and following it down the rabbit hole sooner, but when do we know what path is the right one for us?

One day I would love to sit up on the edge of my bed, stretch my arms high in the sky, and say to myself, “Self, you are one day closer to becoming the man you want to be.” Yet, I don’t see how that will happen anytime soon. I don’t want to be the guy who stays in the system for the remainder of his days. I want to stand up and leave my mark on the world. I want to be remembered, not as the guy who sat idle and waited for something to happen, only to die before he ever found happiness. No. I want to be remember as the man who was able to cut through his past, cut through his problems, only to find that he could stand atop the hill with the best of them. It’s just a matter of getting there I suppose.

22 August, 2013

Journey: A Bi-Polar Tale of Science and The Understanding of Nothing

Life is an interesting thing. We know, on a scientific level, so much, yet so little. Either direction we look, be it up or down, we are left with nothing but questions. It will always be a challenge to try and uncover what is really in store for us all in the end.

I guess it could be said that our lives are what we make it. I do not disagree with that in the slightest, but that statement has it’s limits. If that statement didn’t have it’s limits, we would all be comfortable. There would be no pain and no struggle. So if life is what we make of it, than where is the limit to our desires?

Personally, the more I begin to look outside of myself, the more I realize that I have to look within myself. A lot of people would question the thought process behind that, I’m sure.It really comes down to my thoughts on reality. Trying to figure out what is “real” is a daunting process to try and come to terms with. Slowly but surely I am realizing that nothing is what it seems. If we take a person, and magnify them as far as we can, we hit nothing but a wall of more questions. We understand that the human experience is made up of atoms and particles and things that the “Average Joe” just can’t begin to comprehend.

The real trouble I have comes from looking beyond that. How can there ever be a limit on what makes matter, matter? Nothing can truly come from nothing. Can it? If we look at Quantum Mechanics, it is assumed that everything in it’s smallest form breaks down into tiny vibrating strings, and dimensions stacked virtually atop of each other. To me though, it still begs the question, what is beyond that? A friend once told me that I had inadvertently stumbled upon the greatest philosophical question known to man. It is kind of a scary thought that the fabric of my whole being feels like it is being torn limb from limb. How do I begin to even understand what is real and what is fake?

Now, to give you full disclosure, I am labeled as having a mental disability. I am considered Bi-Polar, and there are various other things I could list that would make you hesitant to take anything of what I say into consideration. However, that is where I leave it up to you to take it to the next level.

It takes an open mind to be able to look past your personal convictions, but I believe it is possible to anyone who doesn’t have a problem with admitting that they can never have an answer to the questions of life.

We are but the passengers on a journey thought up by our imagination. Because it is with our imagination that we perceive what is around us. So because of our mind, we have created our mind. I find it fascinating, to say the least. Love, loss, friendship, and fame are all nothing but the creation of the general consciousness of the living creatures that we call humans. As depressing as it may be, it is quite an exciting thought to realize that we will never truly understand the here and now, yet, we will never understand what comes next, after consciousness leaves the human form through the process we call death.


-originally written 01/29/2013-

21 August, 2013

08/19/2013 (An Introduction of Sorts)

Medidtating to Ghost - Ifessttemami followed by Opus OCultus <- Not correct album titles.


I ponder the idea that Jesus and the Anti-Christ is a representation of society Vs. personality. I think that the idea is kind of simple if you consider Jesus representing ways for society to protect itself. While the "Anti-Christ" Is nothing more than all of what you enjoy personally out weighing toe ideals of society.


If you take this into possibility, then you man have the ability to think even a little deeper still. Interesting. I believe the reason that our current state of evolution seems physically finite, it is because we are on the brink of pushing into a new evolutionary process based around functionally improving the brain. Which in essence, could push us a step beyond of out current senses.


While I enjoy thinking about this, I also do not give much creedence in it, as it isn't something that science can really prove. All ideas are just simple pipe dreams of a young adult, wanting to become a part of the next big exploration in philosophical and wirrent documentation of the effects of life. I can't really say much, other than the fact that I am a chronicaler. I write. I don't write about fantasy, I write about writing, about the thoughts that push me to write, to live, to find my path. I write about the ink getting slowly placed on the paper.


I draw a dream out of the language I know. I explain my ideas of how everything is formed, and how we all suffer fore as long as we are trapted to be unknown. This is life. It is nothing but a cycle, a string tied to itself. It begins so slow, only to pray for the ability to grow stronger. They hope, they create ideas, they beg for things to be better. But can it? Can the world really ever improve? I think it is important that we try! Because if we don’t try we will never be able to see why. Everything in the world is a series of coin flips. Even the coin flip is a various amounts of a coin flip. Variables such as what path every last atom had followed on it’s way toward the coin. It is considered crazy by those I know. But to me it is reality. I don’t know what to do, because I’m trapt in a middle ground. I am stuck between fear and love. My personality’s coin flip of coin flips. I know what I love, I know who I love, I love being in love, but it is a journey swimming through coin flips, trying to find the easiest path of coin flips to try and find out where kkkR3RD
3DA


i WAS ALMOST THERE. It is sad, because I felt a block. I felt a wall. What is that wall? Is it the calcification of parts of my brain? I persume it might well be! How can we get beyond the point of pain vs joy, love vs fear. It is insane to think about, so I don’t think about it, I just :”let it flow” Which is what this post is. It is sort of an introduction as to how the world works inside of my meditation. I can feel the power to just let go. to just type what comes. If I could decalcify my mind maybe I could move even further into typing with my mind. I don’t know. I don’t want to live in society anymore. I want to live in the wooded country, simplisticly in a self sustaining home. Away from the toxicity of the world. Just be along with no thoughts other than the thoughts of love. My wife Brittney would be there, on the same ideals as me, except with her own interperitations of it. We would embrace eachother mentally as well as physically. We would do what we needed to do as we needed to do it. Pick the fruit that grows natural. Beautiful weather where we were safe inside, even in the worst of storms. The christians call it the garden of eden. The fruit of knowledge what the idea that you could change things. That by joining forces with other things, you would could forever change to world in which you live. Is that so bad? No. Not for those who choose to want to live that way. Yet I, I don’t want to be forced to live my life in a fassion that I don’t support. I want to not have to journal, not to take medicine if I so choose. I want to lay free, naked, on the grass, with no pain, no judgement. I want to be free to myself. And if there is ever a time I can become free, I will try to get there. Because for me, I just want to release. To choose my time in which I talk to those around me. Those few I keep close. My lovely wife Brittney. It is time that things begin to change. We can push on and fg24gg42 gggg4g2 gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg It was a brutal fight, but I lost her. I lost my connection to my Aurora. Fuck.   - B -π -ɸ


Aurorian Calandar


Milisecond - Second - Minute - Hour - Month - Year - Decade - Millenia - Trillenia


1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 - 1/99 -1/99 - 1/99


Example:


23:34:15:22:45:99:00:02:01


A new date style format would need to be accomodated, not based on anything related to a physical medium in our current reality. Technology is the key to finding the next dimension up. By merging us with technology we creat a future in which we may one day be able to experience the next dimension up. It could provide us with the ability to see all time and space at once. Impliment everyone with a camera. No laws, just love. What ever anyone hears sees, or says is recorded. But not in any terrible way. Because there is nothing to hide, because people are not supposed to be tempted by greed or pain.


Anyways we attach sensory sensors and stimulaters, and let our mind decide to tap into who ever we want that is also connected to the network. We can opt in to choose to join the program of living in pure bliss, no pain. Allowing out minds to interchange at will. It would be an amazing achievement of engenerring to create a world within our own, in which we could leave at any time. Just a room of white, where we feel no greed, need not, want not. You are comfortable, forever and always. What would our minds come up with? Would we still be visual, or would we find different ways to use our senses. Because at this time, we would be nothing but electricity. Nothing at all but a frequency translated through a fiber connection from our minds to our device. Joined as one forever. What would our minds develope? Would we find a way to stay that way forever, without keeping out physical body? A way to separate the concious mind friom the body and the brain, without actually dieing, because if we die, we lose electrical power to the brain which creates the mind. There would always need to be someone below us to supply the energy for our next level up. We must support the small to increase the big. Finding unwavering balance is key to everything! Pulling the string tight may cause more frequent variables, yet they will be much less in strength than those of which that dip lower. At which one point we may even be able to move beyond as our string tightens to a complete stop. And then, we become the platform for the next level up.


I love how interesting I feel sometimes. :) - B -ɸ


I need to publish before it is too late. I will be teaming up with Brittney to try and get all of my back log of works out soon. So anything more will be current. If I lose my backlog, so much will be lost! Wish me luck! -B