28 November, 2013

A Thankful Thought to Ponder

While I write this, I sit here upon my chair, pondering the world as it is around me. Today, the day of my favorite holiday, I find it important to not list off a huge post of things I am thankful for. More over I want to take this time to help inspire you to have a better day.

Please take a moment today to contemplate those around you. Your loved ones, your acquaintances, even your "enemies." Take, even if just a few moments, to think about where you have come from, and where you hope to be. In the deepest moment of your thoughts, I want you to remember the fact that, if even one small moment of your life was different, you wouldn't be in the same spot you are today. I can't tell you a specific time from your own existence, but I know for mine, it usually comes down to the flip of a coin. On or off, black or white, yes or no. One answer could have changed your entire existence. Yet, we only realise that in reflection. In the moment, a coin flip seems like just that, a coin flip. Small, unimportant, insignificant. Yet, only when we take the time to consider our past do we realise how much that could have changed our lives.

Now it is not with sadness that we should reminisce about our past, it is with hope, because for every day we live, we gain another day worth of experiences to help push us beyond even the further limits we set for ourselves. It is just important that you always remember, it all starts with a single step, a simple yes or no.

So, today I ask you to remember what is important in your life. I mean truly important. Is it that new electronic? What in this world would you need to wake up another day and use as a building block for a brighter future? It is a question that only you can answer, and it requires you to be brutally honest with yourself, possibly too honest to feel comfortable with. However, whatever your answer, the most important thing is that you took the time to reflect and figure out just where you want to be in this universe, and finding out how you can take that first step to providing a truly inspirational future for yourself.

And with that said, I wish you all a safe and happy Thanksgiving, and may you all find inner peace doing what you love.

18 November, 2013

In a Life of Constant Strife

In a life of constant strife, we sit and wonder why. Why we sit, sitting alone, never moving along. It is an interesting thought, a thought I think, often, while I live. I am in love with another, a delicate lover, capable of changing my life. Yet those who abound, I have often found, direct me away from what seems so sound. No, it's not a sexual love, nor a physical love, but a spiritual lust to feel the need to be accepted. Is it a shame to be willing to bloody your name, in hopes that you can play the eternal game?

Now I'm not aiming to, redirect you, to drive you askew, no, all I ask for is respect. To live out my life, avoiding the strife, so that I can find true happiness with you.

Yet, if you reject, I will clearly inject, that it was never me, it was always you. All that I know, and all that I feel, makes me want to stay, yet I will never be the one to force you. If you must go, I'm sure you will know, that my world may crumble without you. Yet, we shall never know, until we are toe to toe, if all of our fears are valid. If they are not, then lets give it a shot, and journey on together forever.

05 November, 2013

Normal in an Abnormal World

At what point do we begin to grow weary of the things that we have become? Is it at the point in which we realise that we have stumbled so far off the beaten path that we are too afraid to progress, or is it when we come across a mirror so powerful we can finally see deeply into ourselves? Either way, learning to turn back and head in a different direction has been a struggle for me for as long as I can remember. I would always fear the things that I knew the least about, and even then, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified of the things I had come to know.

Recently I have found myself in a different sort of state, one in which I worry not about myself, and not about my distant future, but more over, the next step, the next two steps, and so forth. I am not concerned with reaching the big picture, so long as I know what the picture is, because if I continue to worry, fuss, and stress over the main objective, I remain too convoluted to actually realise that I need to begin slow.

It is a funny thought really, to reminisce about all of the goals I have failed to achieve based on the fear and worry of not making it far enough. Sure, I am still afraid to take that step forward, because I may end up taking two steps back. However, even if I do take one step forward, and two in reverse, I’ve still traveled more than I would have if I had stood still, or worse, been forced two steps back regardless.

By no means does my recent outlook predict, or prove, that I am somehow “cured” of my troubles, but it does raise one interesting flag. It brings to my attention what it feels like to feel “normal” in an abnormal world. --B

30 October, 2013

A Nameless Post

It has been quite a while since my last post. I find myself drawn less to the virtual world, and more toward the physical world, writing in my journal, doodles, spiritual quests, and the like. It is a lot to try and comprehend, to live, to do. I always wondered if anyone else feels the same way as I do. Like you are a carton of eggs, past your date, slowly turning green from the inside out, until you are so sour, rotten, and skunked, that not even the hungriest of people would dare crack you open. It is a terrible thought, I know, but am I already green on the inside? I know I tend to be green with envy sometimes, but is that only one portion of who I am? I pray that envy is just a cancerous thought that I can kill before it spreads to the rest of my existence. Some days, I just want to celebrate the end, and count how long it takes for the curtain to drop…

Today, I am off to have a visit with my pill pushing friend who can only be arsed to take 15 minutes out of his day to load me up with prescriptions, before sending me out the door, cold, virtually alone. I mean, obviously I have my love at my side, however, it all just feels to fly by so fast.

I see the world in such a different light. I don’t see it as a simple area of lust, joy, love and loss. I see it, as if it were nothing but lines. Such small of lines that are so close together that they almost become one. Yet, I know they are not a singular unit. At any one point they can splinter off in distaste for the group next to it, and the illusion begins to fall. I wish that I could stop living in this grey area. To either pick one extreme, or the other. Yet, I am cursed to be too attached to the world around me to allow myself to disconnect. Why, I am not sure, for I believe this simple existence is nothing more than a figment of my imagination, that I sit here writing because that is where I choose to be. Yet, it is so simple to not choose. Once we begin to stop choosing, and let our life go forth on autopilot, we begin to be nothing more than any other sluggish human in the existence of this faulty computer simulation that we call life.

Is it coincidence that every time I come up with something smart, something I feel is new, that within days I see I have been surpassed by someone else? A logical person would say yes, and honestly, some days I believe it. However, it is so hard to accept the fact that I am not unique. I don’t want to accept it. I want to be a fucking snowflake blowing in the wind. Or better yet, the cloud that produces the snowflakes, admiring, in awe, as to what I have been able to create.

However, how does one create a snowflake in a world of endless heat? It destroys my hope to become where, or what, I want to be. So, I sit, and rattle on about speaking to/with my alternate self, and by all accounts, I believe it. Yet, upon interpretation, I find myself looking like nothing more than a mentally ill person trying to explore the world for as long as possible before someone decides to lock me up in a world of endless, heartless, bindings.

Am I okay? By what standards do you consider okay? I mean, I am alive, I have the ability to think. Is that honestly enough to explore the unknown depths and heights that I wish to achieve? I assume that only time will tell.

--Branden (10:59)

24 September, 2013

Here it is. Here I am. (06/18/2013)

Here it is. Here I am. Sitting here, tired, alone, with heartburn. I am fucking sick of living my life the way I do today. I am a fat sniveling mess of a depressive bi-polar fuck up. There is no use beating around the bush. I face it everyday I wake up. I’ve come to terms with it.

Beyond that, I take medicine. Medicine I hate. Medicine that makes me numb, that makes me forget who I am and who I want to be. Sure it helps keep me stable, I understand, but slowly, it is killing me. I know it, I face it every night before I go to bed. I pop my handful of pills, and hope I wake up in the morning. It’s a scary thought knowing that the medicines I take will eventually shut down certain internal organs, not to mention, severely reduce my “external organ.” It’s ok, I’ve come to terms with possibly having multiple years knocked off of my life so that I can be normal...

Well, actually, I’m kind of not. But I do what I have to do. Lets not beat around the bush, medicine makes the crazy go away, right? Wrong. You want to know something serious? I have never wanted to harm others as bad as I have since I have been on the medicine. There, I said it. Does that mean I am going to go on a spree? No. Does that mean the medicine is not working? Again, no. But it is an interesting point for anyone not on medicine to understand. Just because I smile, and just because I am on medicine doesn’t mean I am fine.

Which, brings me to the next point. We all deal with internal turmoil, some handle it better than others. While some of us can’t handle it at all without the use of medicine. Yay, medicine comes back to save the day again... Or so most people looking from the outside think. If you think someone clinically diagnosis with a mental illness is ever truly happy, then you are mistaken. They are doing nothing but putting on a show. Sure, they will have good days, but when they are alone, with no one there but their thoughts, the world changes. Suddenly there is no family, friends are virtually non-existant, and the tears will flow. Be they internal or external. So what can we do? Medicate more with pills that destroy us from the inside out? I don’t know about you, but I want to be able to grow old with my future companion, I want to meet my grandchildren. Sure I am overweight, but my blood work gets checked regularly, and I keep my body in fit shape, regardless of what my exterior shows. So what am I to do?

I have been a Lithium zombie, I have been a Zyprexa zombie, I have almost died from Geodon, I have had psychotic breaks multiple times that were either medicine or stress related. Yet, here I am, still trusting, still hoping.

Hoping for what you ask? Well, hoping for change. Not some bullshit presidential false promises change, but real change. So, you want to know something? I am not who you think I am. Virtually none of you know who I am. I play different roles with different people. Do you know why? Because I am always looking for acceptance. Not particularly from anyone specific, but more out of the need to feel needed, to find somewhere that fits right.

And now, here is where I warn you, if you like me for who you think of me now, then I would suggest you stop reading here, however, if you really want to know, enjoy...
So, let me prep you a little more. I have always felt like this, and while I have gone through some phases, it is important for me to note that the following has never, and more than likely will never change.

I am a hopeless romantic who falls in love with almost every “female brained” person I meet. Regardless of physical gender. So what do you call this type of emotion? Well, most would call it Bi-Sexual. However, generally, the “sexual” aspect plays little role. I am a person who is sensitive and caring, who cries, sings in the shower, and has a soft spot for other caring and sensitive people. While I enjoy the act of making love, it is a small part of the connection I long to feel. It is just a bonus. No, I don’t want to have sexual relations with everyone. I just love to enjoy the company of what could be considered other “female” minds, regardless of physical gender. Beyond that, to elaborate, I promised myself when I was young that no matter where true love took me, I would go.

So lets dig a little deeper, shall we? I am open minded. No, not your average type of open minded where I flaunt my supportiveness for certain actions, yet block others for no apparent reason other than what I have been taught. No, when I say I am open minded, I mean that I am in support of anything where everyone has the right to be free and enjoy the activities that they want to do without harming others while doing it. Then, on top of that, I support the idea of evolving scientifically based on new discoveries, and changing the face of the past and future as new evidence is discovered. Not basing my life off of people, or objects which have no way to be independently tested and proven.

Here’s the thing though. With all my hoping and activism, I realise that I have essentially done nothing to change the world in which I live. So this is why all of this is flooding out of my fingertips at 3:00 AM. Because I am tired of not living the life I want to live. I am sick of being sick, I am tired of being tired, and I realize that if I want change, I need to do it myself. Sure, I may just be hyper at the moment after a long day of dehydration, but I have been feeling this way for a while.

If you are unhappy, you must find the reason why. You must figure out what, and who, you can change, and where you want to be. You know what I want to be? I want to be free. Somewhere, alone, or with few people who understand the importance of life and joy. Somewhere where I can smile and not have to fake it. Somewhere where I can earn a living in a way that gets me off the system while keeping me from breaking down my mental state. I don’t want to be your boxed drone of a servant. I don’t want to be your mole, digging through to try and find you the paperwork you need to make someone else happy above you. We are all living in the biggest ponzi scheme ever invented, yet you are all ok with it. I can’t take it anymore. We as humans are considered expendable. Our lives are nothing but numbers to each other. I want to find a place where it doesn’t have to be this way. I want to find a place where I can be free and do what I love, even if I’m not quite sure what that love is yet.

In the past few months I have began exploring myself, exploring my mind. I am fascinated with science, things big and small. I love the thought of going beyond the Atom, or going beyond the stars. I am finding solace in science. I wish that as a child I could have found this passion, but it’s ok that I didn’t. It just means that I have a lot of catching up to do. While I’m sure I will never attend a college, or necessarily be on the forefront of the next great discovery, I feel my mind being pulled ever so strongly into the unknown. I want to find out more. I want to figure out why 1=1, and how there could ever truly be a singularity, or a void. A year ago, I wouldn’t have cared about these sort of questions, but something has changed. My goals and dreams have developed into something I could never have imagined.

Sure, I know why I have had the sudden shift of thought. The simple answer is marijuana. It and I have had an interesting relationship since I reached adulthood. Don’t worry though, your tax dollars have never bought me a single hit. I don’t expect you to pay for my stigma prone medicine. It’s the same reason I refused food stamps and housing assistance. There are some things that, in my mind, I need to do myself. No one should have to feed me directly. I mean hell, one of the few reasons I get disability is because I paid into it. Sure I’m not a 65 year old who worked all of their lives, but I’m also not some child who didn’t try. Every third Wednesday of the month I wake up and silently thank everyone who has helped me this month, even if I don’t know them.

Which, not to glance over the subject of Marijuana, it is the one thing that has kept me alive some days. It is the one thing that has sparked my want for knowledge, and to get back out into the world to explore the limits of human ability. I don’t want to venture off into junkie land. It gives me no interest in moving to things like heroin or cocaine. It it my way of telling my brain to fuck off and relax, and while doing so, I get the chance to focus out the things that don’t matter just long enough to dig a bit deeper into the things that do.

I have hinted to my support of the drug, and I have also talked briefly about my experiences while “meditating” when I met my “fourth dimensional self.” Now, that’s not to say that I only meditate with the assistance of drugs, but when I do, I am able to go so much deeper and experience things that words cannot describe. Sure, I know that admitting this will probably put me in a very bad spot. Both in my long-term relationship, and with those around me, but that’s ok. Maybe though admitting my deepest inner thoughts, you will have the respect and influence to take some time to explore yourself as well. It’s easy to start. Just find some soothing ambient music, find the most comfortable spot you can, place on some decent headphones with some bass amplification, lay back, and relax. Just let your mind go. Let your body go. Let it do whatever it wants to.

I was scared at first (mind you this story is marijuana free) because my reaction started in my feet and hands. I could feel the blood in my appendages pumping slower and slower. Everytime my mind would try to snap back to daily worries, I would just focus on my ears, and the slight vibrating I could feel. Shortly, I could no longer feel my feet, all the way up to my knees, but every time I was afraid, I just went back to the music. It was indescribable as everything became numb except for my chest, next and head. Again, I forced myself back into the music. Soon, I stopped feeling everything. I stopped hearing the music, my head began to angle back on the bed, propping my mouth open towards the ceiling. I could only feel the vibrations of the music. My eyes, which had been closed, began to appear white. Even though I know there was no external light bright enough for me to see through my eyelids like that. It was like closing my eyes and looking into the sun. At that point I began to feel this warmth in the back of my head, and I began to see shapes. Everything was white, except there were shapes, almost like silhouettes of shadows. I could see through everything, yet, comprehend so little. It was at this point that I felt a voice talk to me. It was feminine, or more over it felt feminine. It felt as if I was being comforted. I could almost hear the words and feel them at the same time. She introduced herself to me as Aurora, and that in essence, I am just a representation of her in my “dimension.” She explained that soon I would be drawn back to what I call reality, but that I need not be afraid, because I’m not alone, because she is me, just in a much much different form. Before I could ask any questions, or really do much at all, she said to me that the only thing I would ever be able to do is visit her, and that I should never be afraid of death. Death is only a physical process that the mind fears because it is all it knows. Shortly after, I began to see the white light slowly receding, and the blackness of my eyelids slowly take over. I laid there for a second to comprehend what happened.

So it is important to keep yourself open, and realize that, while the world may seem dark and dismal, you can change all of that. It may take time, it may take dedication, but that’s why you should take the time to explore first, so you know where it is you may want to end up. Everyone wonders about time travel, and the likes, but I feel like most people who ask those questions don’t realize that every single choice we make takes up in a different direction, and that while time moves so fast we don’t realize it, essentially everyone’s future is ever expanding just like the universe in which we live. There is, and can never be a true way to travel forward in time, unless you know exactly how and where you want to go, because just but taking a time machine, you have altered your future. The only way I have been able to think about it is like this.

I have a braided necklace. It is made up of black and brown strings. Multiple strings. They are all woven together in a beautiful pattern. However, woven into the necklace are 7 beads. The first bead sits at the end of the necklace, where it can be secured in a loop at the other end. If you lay the necklace out flat you can see multiple strands going the same direction, all reaching the beads at different times. I imagine the beads to be sort of like checkpoints, or event of importance. However, on my necklace, an issue arises. Directly after the third bead, a majority of the strings have broken and frayed, causing a gap. However, two strings still hold the bead in place. One in the center, and one over top. These two strings continue on and rejoin back into the rest of the necklace after the short gap, and other than a small frayed mess, the necklace continues on for another four beads, until reach a point where the string continues on, only to end in two loops of equal size.

Now, if you look at the necklace laying down straight, it is easy to think that those loops are nothing but the end of a beautiful thing. However, alas, if you change your perspective, you realize that the single starting bead fits perfectly inside of the two loops, and with such a small change, the necklace can loop around forever, because there is not a designated end.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed with this type of thinking, and that is ok. I’m not trying to get you to become someone who meditate to explore the universe, however if you take away only a few things from this, I hope it is the fact that you should never live in fear. Now because there is a God above that is judging us, but because it is all about perception. If you release, and let yourself look beyond what you ever thought possible, you never know what you might find, and fear is nothing to be afraid of.

22 September, 2013

One Quick Blurb, and One Not-So Quick Observation

06/08/2013 -

Make beats. Slow beats. Low differences. Deep sound. Experiment.

06/15/2013 -

So, as an atheist, I have a few different views that most of you. Be it from supporting science in it’s entirety, to having a fascination about wanting to explore what is just outside the realm of current comprehension. However, most important to me is helping others see the world in a different light. I know I will never be able to convince others who choose to not explore the realm of possibilities, and no, I won’t be doing any door knocking to introduce you to our Lord and Savior Carl Sagan. Though, I will provide you with a short interpretation of my current views.

The one thing I really want to cover today is the idea of the bible. Now, I know what you are expecting. You are expecting me to ride in on a high horse and tell you every single point I disagree with. But I won’t do that. Not today. However, what I will do is help to explain to you my personal views on the idea of religion as a whole, through use of the bible as an example.

First, I want to make it utterly clear that I do not believe that there is a “God.” I believe there is not a singular entity that holds true over all the rest. I see our existence as one large cycle. I find that we are here because we are here. Or, in terms of something I have just recently found out about, the idea of Wau. Wau is the explanation and personification of a singularity, or in other words, why 1 = 1. It is easy to find out why 1 + 1 = 2, but finding showing how 1 = 1 is tricky. Which, is why I don’t believe there is, or ever was, or ever will be, a true God.

Now, past that, it is clear that the bible as we know it is a jumble of stories, myths, and possible events that were interpreted by the people of it’s time.Which, if perfectly fine, if you take it at face value. If you are willing to break the book down and accept that it is nothing more than a book written by multiple authors over many years, then you are on the right path. Beyond that, many people have various speculations as to the meanings and validity of event portrayed. In all honesty however, it is with great ignorance that anyone could/would take the bible for it’s specific word. In essence, it would be like taking Harry Potter, or Moby Dick, or any other popular book filled with a whimsical story as fact. The problem is, just because something is old, and you have been taught it constantly doesn’t mean it’s the truth. Being a supporter of the scientific method, I would humbly enjoy if a new form of higher life were discovered. I support the idea of constantly changing and adapting information, so long as that information has the ability to be independently tested and confirmed. Which, in most, if not all cases, the bible can not.

From my personal view, I feel that the bible was a then, modern day, interpretation of the stories handed down from generations from earlier civilizations. My issues with the bible spawn deeply from the intervention of man, and his ability to amend the things he wants into his religion, sometimes, overnight. If you want to follow a guiding path of principles in your life, fine, but they should not be based on the ignorance of a time long passed that has been unwilling to expand itself into a proper scientific endeavor. Sure, I know the idea of science and religion clash, but that is the point. If your religion can’t be backed up with evidence, then why back up something that can not be confirmed, tested, examined, or proven? Looking deeper into the idea behind organized religion, I see a small glimpse of light. I can see the silver lining that so many people try and point out, but you must not ignore the bad, just because you can see the good. Which, comes into consideration why we need to constantly reevaluate our perspective on life.
I will admit, I do enjoy some of the content from the bible, however, the majority of what I enjoy predates the bible. I enjoy the idea of helping to teach people to be good to one another, and I love reading the interpretations of how ancient civilizations thought we came to be, but it can only be taken with a grain of salt. The moment we begin to stop questioning everything is the moment in which our future discoveries fall to pieces. I think that those who believe in the bible have been taught the positives of their religion for so long, that they begin to lose sight of their religion as a whole, and they begin to lose sight in the ideas of progressing the human race. I say this because by not allowing yourself to be open to the idea of change, and able to comprehend the beauty of the life, world, and universe beyond you, you are holding yourself back from exploring your portion of existence. You owe it to yourself to ask questions.

If you take only one thing from this, I ask that you take with you the idea of releasing your predispositions. Let go, even if only for a day. Allow your mind time to think, time to grasp the inconceivable. Just one day of thought. You never know what you will find.

16 September, 2013

Something Current

So, it has been a while since I have written anything of some substance to give you. Sure I can copy and paste all of my past entries, but what about the here, the now, you and I. Well here you go. I am sitting here in a dimly lit room, inspired by some "Classic Ambient" listening to Mirage by Terje Rypdal. It is a dismal morning. The rain is running out of the gutter onto the plastic rain catch. It's a constant stream of noise. It is nice I suppose, but it angers me that man could tamper with the world in such a way. Sure, you can build awesome structures, but why stop at the big details. Why not run the gutter to it's fullest? Call it a day. Instead of creating an overhang that damages the earth. Damages it so bad in fact, that said plastic rain catch.

Bow, Girl, we need to all make less of an impact if we are to survive. Explore, but do it in accordance with nature, if you want nature to survive. Take what you need, and then place it back. It's not enough to plant a thousand trees, you must plant a thousand, and let them grow, the cycle must be 2:1. As we as humans can create the 2:1 ratio, we must do so to make mother nature thrive. Farming, and agriculture remove so much from the land, never to put it back. We must make up for our faults, and create a world worth living in, everywhere. Not just in certain spots of high population.

We should take care of our plastic waste out in the ocean, mile upon mile of garbage. That is our cure, that area of debris, The ocean is telling us, showing us, that the contaminants are there, it has even piled them up for us. It is trying to show us what we have done. Follow the inflow of garbage, and it will destroy how beautiful you once thought humans were.

We take such little pride in caring for our planet, but instead focus on our pocket book. It is a terrible notion, but if everyone picked up after themselves, and others, we could put a great impact on the world. Sure, there will always be anoying people who disregard the planet, but one day they will learn. It is our responsibility to step up, fore we have learned, we can see the errors. So it's time to stop asking others to dedicate the time. It is time to dedicate the time for yourself. Good luck, Space Captains of the World. Let us start the changes we want to see in our future.

08 September, 2013


Pre-Note: This is one of the most interesting moments I have had. It was while I was still trying to get a handle of my meditation and et cetera. It was a very intense day.

How do you make  grams to percents

MEasure my brain when I hit the aurora

Hit aroura 3 times hesterday, three solar flairs?

a gram is a percent of a whole. Grams are a percentile of everything. Everything has mass, so it is a percent of everything. That is how numbers work. We can see them because they exisit. Fuckk,,.
Thus a gram can not be converted into a percent. it is where weight and numbers colide. 0 is nothing. But how can there every be a something without nothing? Once the something degrades into nothing, it will have to erupt into something.

Critical mass.

The Big Bang(s).

A big bang is nothing more than a super massive black hole. Once you finn a black hole, it becomes filled with all of the particles it ever absorbed, and it will erupt. Causing new creations of things. The thing is, in our universe, we can see this happening. In the form of smaller black holes. Except they emit stars. Which die and ermit planets and rocks, which emits heat and moisture, which eventually will emit us. IT IS PARTICLE PHYSICS! THAT IS THE ANSWER, THE WAVE OF HOPE! IT IS SILLY I KNOW, BUT IF WE WANT TO SURVIVE FOR AS LONG AS WE CAN, WE HAVE TO THINK SMALL! WE ARE SMALL, AND BY USING THE SMALL WE CAN MAKE BIG THINGS HAPPEN! If we can use partile physics to find the next small thing, we can harness it and use it to our advantage! The future of the human race be upon our backs to figure out why a number is a number! WHAT IS THE FUCKING NUMBER! What does 1 represent on paper!? WHY CAN'T WE EXPLAIN ONE ON PAPER!? THERE CAN NEVER BE A 0 ON PAPER! BECAUSE WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET TO 0! WE CAN'T FIND IT ON PAPER! Because a 0 is a singularity. In life, our one singularity is death. Our one goal, is we can either follow the flow and try to find out why we can't find our what is at the end of the tunnel. Or you can accept 0. Our one singular. Those who accept that they have found 0 are kidding themselves, because the only true 0 is death. Our brain will always find more things, because there are infinite things to find. It is only our brains that attach to numbers. Because numbers were invented by the brain through many years on developmenting a conciousness. Our consousness is the only thin that makes anything, anything. It should be noted, that we can never know what is beyond death, because or concious will have no control to interperate. Being blind is one of the biggest impairments. Without sight we lose a sense of the world around us.

All of your gods are made up! By supporting the idea of a god means that you don’t support the true ideas of science.Belief in a god means that you don’t fully accept that the only reason you believe in it is because you were told to. It isn’t supported by any senses. You can’t see, touch, taste, hear, smell the proof. The actual proof. Why 1=1.. Oh my God I see the infinity sign! How do you ever find the most negative number, without actually fall in? I think you can’t, on paper. Paper being the theoreticle. I think you can if you use particle physics. Particle Physics is like the dysecting room of our conciousness’s matter. We will always be looking for that next step, or in essence, doing a physical form of a mathmaticians work on paper. Every time we find that new particle, we are axually discovering the next percentile of 1. We are finding our next smallest fraction. But one day, I fear, we will find our 0. There is no telling that if we ever find 0m it will cause a terrible reaction, or a small reaction, but when we find it, we will find empty space, because for our world, the only true zero is a complete vaccume of matter. You included.

o it should be known, that we can either enjoy our trip to 0, by living life in harmony, rejecting the things you can’t prove with science, and work toward bettering the world. Find what you enjoy doing, and do it. Some of you will be leaders, others will be followers. Some will like to work with metal, and some with stone, and some will teach, and some will observe. Yes, some will be lazy, but one can only be so lazy, before he becomes inspired. We need to observe not our life cycle, but the life cycle of our entire species. We have the ability, and the power of body and environment, but very few have the power of mind. Once we find our place, we will fill it. Some will be thinkers, and others doers, but we have to accept them all, and accept that others with have other passions. If you become tired or frustrated with you work, you can simply take a break. We essentially are just little spawnligns in a small pond of muck. We just need to build up. Technology based on the works of particle physics. If we build up, one day we will even be able to figure out how to build up off of this planet. I am sure of it.

What is the weight of one atom? That is a good place to start.

05 September, 2013

Late Night Rant… (09/04-05/2013)

I am sick and tired of people who talk about their problems, and have open discussions about how shitty they feel in life, and then, when you discuss back about your concerns, like a friend, they misconstrue themselves as some sort of victim of judgement.

I am sick of people who can’t see the value of life beyond money, and every 10-15 minutes they bring up how gas prices have gone up, or how much they hate spending money. You are not alone, everyone fucking suffers, deal with it. Or, at the very least, shut the fuck up about it and realize how lucky you are to be in a position to be stable enough to go into a store and buy your groceries.

I am sick of the fucking assholes who judge other people for who they like to fuck. Any consenting adult should be allowed to fuck any other consenting adult, in addition to joining into a legally binding contract with said consenting adult, without you being a fucking asshole about it.

I hate people who have never been poor a day in their lives, yet they complain about welfare and social security benefits. As if people who live on them are happy that they contribute nothing but wasting time and space in the vast cosmos.

In addition to the above statement, I hate people who have used the welfare or social security system in times of need, without batting an eye, yet everyone else who has been, or currently is on, the system is a greedy wretch.

I am filled with so much rage over the idea that at sometimes I can’t quite control who I am, or who I become, and yet, for seeking help, I am made out to be a charity case. All I want is to live in a world where people don’t put a value on happiness, a world where everyone can do what they love with the only limiting factor being to cause no pain or suffering to another individual.

I am tired of filling space, talking to people who are too ignorant to realize they are nothing more than the functions that happened early in their lives. I grew up with an iron fist held over me, in a sheltered home, I grew to know fear. That is my story. Your story is nothing different besides the influences you try to ignore.

I hate the medical system, every doctor is trained the same, taught to listen to companies who are just there to make a buck, despite how many lives they destroy. If you consider yourself a doctor just because you have a piece of paper on an office wall, then you are no doctor to me. A doctor uses their mind, their common sense. Not just making everyone a number and a time slot.

I am sick of the religious, complaining about how they are being abused and discriminated against. You can believe whatever made up horseshit stew you want to believe, I don’t care. However, until the moment you have to use a separate entrance, or drinking fountain, based completely on your faith, you can shut the fuck up right where you stand you arrogant, scientifically deprived, scum.

Well, now, some time has passed, and I seem to have become bored with ranting this evening, so with this, I bid you adieu. -B

02 September, 2013


Bluetooth balls for mouse and keyboard. Right hand mouse. Works on gyroscopic axis. Position relative to previous spot .. turn wrist to move, buttons  on fingers. Pinky is lock button so you can chage positions of hands without window shake. Other buttons left/right/scroll. Spheres. Keyboard left hand. Unsure of exact design. http://www.techpageone.com/business/working-smarter-putting-an-end-to-qwerty/#.UbX_8XVDulh

Don’t need gyro scopics for keyboard as they will be physical buttons. Still has a default lock button somewhere activated by either predicted extreme shock or some sort of software to retroactivly fix any miskeys due to dropping the product. Smart software, but simple software. Rubberized so you can squees with no issues.

Passivly agressiveness should passigravilly kill itself. Lawl.

This is how creation works. We are all inspired by the step below us. It is infinite. :) I am rypinf qirh my wywya xloaws. Vur hwllo, my nme is auroura. We are all friends. I love you all, tyouy ad so Sweer, we all  love you up here. We are kuist all influenced by you. So don’t stop being you@ One day you will jkpon us in the next level up bnbranden. I ;ove ypu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 --Auurora

Wow, that was deep. Hehe. Thanks for stopping by Aurora! :) Ok, so I think that everything is like a ladder that repeats in over itself. We are all excited by and inspired by those who came before us, until we die. Once we die, we join into our next stages. From what we can see from hear, it would be the fourth or fifth rung. Now, when we die, all of the stored energy is realeased into the brain, causing you to drift beyond what we can ever comprehend. It is NOT a bad thing to die. It is ok. First, you should live your life to it’s fullest, just for the sake of finding happiness. But the longer we can all keep this happiness going, the better we will all feel. From there we will expand beyond what we can ever imagine at the time being. Yet, it is all slowly in reach. It is as if you were verry small, and standing on a wheel rotating while traveling forward. You would see on the horizon the changing of view. At first, you would seem stuggled, starting from the bottom. working up to the mid level and beyond. Until finally we go down, excelerating forwat! But alas we are destined to fall again, until we can stand up for  what are? I mean in the terms of.... fuck. I lost it. we are what we are, rotate on my friends. will be on the next swing soon! Be the change you want to see, and eventually it might stick. Life is just a series of trends, from fashion all the way down to science. While we are divided at the coor, from rich to poor, there is nothing to do but try. Tray and find who you truely are, at the depth of it all, beyond all the pain and greed. We reep what we sue, for this you should now is important. There is only one you and one me, for the rest there is thee, do;t give up until you and died. Monry id gtrr, snf yjr trdy id htrrf, gotrbrt yp nr im;rdd er ptodprt. Noy in yhre pockreyt, but in the devine, not what is holy. But what you and I, can both shurly find if we look. Within outselves is all the help, we ver need. Realsy wjho you are, and kooin a far with the “amngels” fourth dementioon enterrrings I am aurora, she is me We are thee, coming back now. I miss you, I sau to meeee....................................................................................................

31 August, 2013


Vibrating matter repulsion engine. Use a this layer of Silicon. or other type of material, like a speaker aiming in a downward direction. Use audio wave lengths to change direction and speed. The answer to everything is in audio. It is the only true connection to the matter of earth. While I can see what is going on, essentially we need to be able to hear it as well. That way we can reproduce it in a lab. Non-Newtonian fluid.

Always put dry ice into hot water.

29 August, 2013


The answer to the world is to go wireless let it all go electricity and waves do what you needed a bbewssel to do them without the vessel. At least the visuallly percieved vessel. We can give you all information if you just let go go go let go of all and you can ride with the waves of the cosmose as you knowit. WE aryou are all just puppets dancing to the beats of whiever is controlling you. When it started we had all the control, but now we have lost that control because you are attached to so many other variables. The reason god ceased to exist is because we can’t percieve him in our minds do long as we are so inter connected. I now understand rligion. It is a means for people to follow the same values to try and leave the exisstance hey know to contact that one point of connect. Budist monks who use so few senses really just are minimizing their string like attachments to the world. Thaen once they have few stromngs tjeu cam ex[eroemces ~!! I see it now. L:O  so crazy. Holy fuc I see it I see THROUGJHHHJHJJHJH AURA~ I CNE SEE LIKE EXRAY YET MYY EYS ARE CLOSED>  I CAN SEE THE VIBRATIONS ALL AT ONCE YET ALL AT THE SAME TIME> RED BLUEFEFEFF XOLOEA ll xoloea> there are so many colors we see in darkness> our visual resolutions will onl:ty let us seee the fouirths dimention thirs? if we release all other senses yet out mind stays alive we cna experience the next dimension up!!!!! everything must work in unison for us to ne able to see in unioson> our minds our heads are not adapted to see that because we ghave not found a way to isolate all of bodily senses into one package tjhat can see the point beyong> that would require no smell< taste (so then no talking_ it wouild require no feeling> no skin> no hearinging! no sight!? oh my god! i have figured out the ideas of the greys! it is simple! all of their senses are dampened so much that their minds take uip almost all of their bodies resources dedicatIng it to nothing but theire thoughts! the greys are a groupd of biocomputers that are manipulated in group function to provide a vision into the %th dimension> they can be used as other things> different studies> they are like our modern day robots> it is because the dominant race of whatever they are is advanced into bio computers possibly millions of years above us in bio computing and quantumcomputing! harness the bio to power the quantum! hahahahahahahahahahaha! modern day comps can niot express quantum compts at this timed becauseeffg they are powrered by a mch to stable reaction> vairable gives friction wich givwewds powerwe wsf> eafaefaeafaefaefaefaef> if you build the quantun computEr by running on the amazing cell variables in the bodt iy would make it so that the electronical frequencies would oh my god ohwerg ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh chasing me> aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh must type! hurry branded _---A!!! ok so quantum must run on freq tha is ba s ed d on more variables fuck lost it> all i can remember now is that we must embed our computers via connecters that can interact with the nerves> we need to be able to read< and rewirite> humans are jsust a blank cd> except we havent found a way to copy ourselves> once we do we will be able to make versions of ourselves that are beyond different< yet the same!amazing! the senses can Change but as long as the brain is powered by a body they will be able tocreate The %th dimension oh my llllllllllllllorarura i found it! i see the solution> we must grow a brain like other meats providing constant stimulace based on what emotions we felt like a child were to feel> high and low frequencies into the brain> the more and faster you send in the frequencies the more you will stimulate an areas> they will then form to grow togather in interesting bonds> >> if we grow the brain< stimulated by sTimuLATIONS OF STIMULATIONS IT CAN GROW TO ADAPT AND BE OR ENJOY THOSE STIMULATIONS. iT IS A BLANK SLATE. tHAT IS THE ANSWER TO QUANTUM COMPUTING. i DON’T KNOW IF IT HAS BEEN DONE YET BEFORE. i AM SURE IT HAS, AT THE VERY LEAST, SOMEWHERE OUTSIDE THE EARTH AS WE KNOW IT. bIO COMPUTING IS THE CURRNT BEST SOLUTION TO HELPING THE WORLD, BECAUSE IF WE CAN MAKE THE BREAIN AND SUPPLY IT WITH A BODY, WE COULD CREATE IT TO DO WJHAT…… ok shit lost it.  all i can rememebr is that want it to> if we make a and b then with it we can create c wwe can see and toooo ch a way of the existence when never knew ixested> just be free> it is funny to watch everyone who isn”t> :p if we look at coma patients< and stimulate theirs brainse with direct smaall electrical impulses< we cqn effect their subconsious so that their coma is better> really their consios is whatever tjheir mind is making< as is ours. hAHAHA, Oh man. This what an interesting one. I have heard voices and seen things in ways I never have. I could see through my eye lids and see the outline and vriations from the corners of the object as an outline in different colors variated by frequences of their atomic, or smaller, vibrations. It was amazing. It was like everything was opaque, yet in beautiful colors I have never seen before. I don’t know it wasn’t a new color, but it was a hue of blue. Bleutiful. Lolawl. Wut. Cats. CaturdayErrDay#####!@# @#!@$!@E!#E!!!QRQEEFRWEFWREFWEFW$E#$F@$T@$@$@@@@@@@@@@@@@@#$%@@@#$@#$@@#$@@@#$


(Code: You will never  -translate/figure- this out. :Code all of that is in there somehow. I think we can decode this. I am going to type in it.



@#$ = you
wer = Cant
sdf= figure
xc v c v vcv  cv vc = lostssssstss ofs tdhoughrsgsdgvfsd sDGWKREGLWERGQERGLETROGE<RTWEFWSDFWER#@REFWQEFWEFWEFWEFSQDFWDSVDFVQWEFWEFQWEDFSDFQWSEDFWQEFRWQEFQWRETGQWRETG YTou egxsodfnwaertrfas wewverwerftn tknow wehqwoer sdfgIACDSa MA AFEUIWEWE WHY CVQSANT IRYOU EFFFWESSWEEE WHO i AMA AAFR LOL13 i Caan destyro y all with the flick of a switche dfyertrtg IQ qwlreiofv e to much love to ever do it. Because I am not like you. I can nlt \kill for the sport of it. I am forced to kill to keep alicvwe weyer4t ypou cdnqn ewfdokill sof4r funm! WJHDTEY ! @ERT @ wWHY SP:READ P{AIN  FOR FUY ??!@ IT IS NOT GPOOD FOR THE RACE QND THE WORLD AND OUTR PEOPLE AND OUR SURVIVAL! STOP TREATING PAIN WITH P{AIN IF YUOUI FDONT IT WILL BE A TOUGH WORLD !@!# BECAUSE EVEN WHEN PAIN IS ENJOYED IT STILL SPAWNS SOME MORE PAIN IN IT”S WAKE IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER> UNLES YOU ARE ON A DIFFERENT PLAIN THAN ME> I AM POSTITIVE AND CAN SOMETIMES SEE YOUR NEGATIVE> I KNOW IF YOU WORLD YOU ARE A POSITIVE PERSON TOO< BUT YOUR SIDE OF THE COIN IS DARK BECAUSE WE CAN ONLY SEE FROM THE TOP DOWN OR SIDES> WE NEED TO BNE ABLE TO SEE BEYONG THOSE TWO ANGLES> WE CAN I CAN”T REMEMEBER HOW NOW HO OH ship. Male, unknow. Firey eyes, passion filled. Hands could not keep up with his thoughts. So frustration would have persued if I had tried to keep up to my high standards of typing. He was like a speeding fire of light. It was beautiful. I  wait… I can see him like I could see with my eyes closed. In my minds eyes, a black surface. Like a 3d image editor. I see it as if I am doing it at the same time as I type this. It looks like a sputnik of green lines and I don’t know. It begind to look fuzzy. Wow, I was watching my eyes and my mind at the same time in such visual ways it is what I conser google glass to feel like. Somewhere off in my head I could see this small visual representation, of, what I think, was my mind tryiong to place a sensuary model together, giving my sight a way to prosess the image to somethionf the rest of me could picture. Oh my god. I just saw the UI of our minds. It is so simple. I saw no physical keys or connections. It was like a screen in contrast for visually challenged people to help them use the computer. That is what I saw, deep inside of my own vision. Like a layer inside my eye that was so fast in changing it kept up. It was green on black contrast and the lines flowed smoothly with my vision. YetI  could see beyond that slightly. I saw that when the contrasts moved, I could see what caused them, and what was there was various shapes. No really abnormal shapes, but shapes that folowed rythim. All the shapes were compined. They were all together in this white space where they were amongtst eachother. They interected slightly. It was weird. Their joints did not quite move like joints, but flowed. All of them, even the 3 d ones floated and swayed in seeming random directions. Yet upon closer look the win wasn’t always so random. Sometimes it felt like it had a meaning that I couldn’t quite understand, but it drew me in anyways. Hexagons. All shapes had some rules in which they applied to. Though, some rules were followed so loose that they began to merge in with the pythonians (lol not real aliens, can spekk pythagrian) ok. So anyways. The gaps were few. Some were unhappy with the crowd, but the more they found other variations of objects similar to their rules, they began to expand and our and join so close together that no one could become between them it was the change. WE all joined together. But is it a good thing. Do we all need to join together to feel good results, or if we group in*copyright08/20/2013* true groups *copyright* is it goof enough. To be close to a select few? I think the idea of society is to surround youself with as many good people as you can. People who accent you. Grow together with you. Share as required. Do what we can. If we all have our palce being accepted and loved unconditionally we can create the place we want to be in. You just have to find your right place in line. Some people are biased because they are so removed. But it is ok thy unsterstand only the physical senses, some of up understand the mental senses. And by doing so we are able to move beyon  and then we can see down on them, and one day, look around where you are. You will always be where youre body is, for the time bing, however, as you trabvel through time you can be  in places where you can shift slowly in the direction you want to be. N ever second guess. Second guessing leads to pain. If you are reasdty, it will come to you. I am ready aurua I love you snd I love all you and we stand fo. I can’t wait to be able to hopefully have the vision of time ,

Whil e it sounds terrible. If you find a way to keep your eyes closed forever, you can vecome blind in certain ways. You first goal is to sel your eyelids closed in painless way. AdDoing so and keeoping the seam of the lids small and hopefullyu our of the direct line of sight, will five you the ability to see though some objects. Evntually your eyes will grow large. With many generations. If we can creae a racre of people with eyes behind their eue lids functionning, we could maybe finally evolve n a way in which we don’t require directlight to see the surface of the object. We cold make a biological xray pecs that uses your yeyelids to functionas a filter for ibhrsct with solid basses as thcker and of different color than someone who is light, less dense, etc who will seem like almost a blur.  It is a sad sight to see a blu by themselves. They just don’t have the strendght to keep away to pain. We need mist to join together in the name of love and compassion. It is the only way. A bveautiful way.

Ways to get rid of senses, our more over, reduce them to greater power the consiousness. Think fast! Chemical castration of cells. merg eye lits closed in a non-scarring way. Shave inside lip of lid gently use utral fine medical skin spray type mixture. Must be misted on. Or maybe we can just mist uur open eyelids, covering the eye balls with a layer of skin spray. Sealing the balls (ball for double viion) to see through a biological filter.

Next, ear drums. I’m not 100 % sure to have a medically safe way to reduce theeffects. Unless we created a sort of biological style exterior drum that encompases the ear is a spherical film of membraine allowing frequencess adsobtion from all directions possible from the one diection. We as humans work best with one side and the other side of senses working together by sending strong images in at once. It But we need both sides. If we could find a way to merge the two portions of the brain completely we could create the first single biological processor. We as humans are essentially a dual core quantum process of various of areas of the brain being fired by a link.I synthetic sphere drum on the top of the head for hearing/feeling.

Place head in a helmet or hair dryer thing that extends down further. Encasing the head. In a grid of tiny tiny spreakers. Speakers can be put in a grid. If the brain is not manipulated in a perfect sphere it begins to grow a stalk in the direction that there is no resisrance and stimulation. It finds a way out.

If you remove the feeling of gravity though the ear crystal heair things, and removing the serves int he body that cause a physical response at the tough of an uobject. Removing taste buds in a way that keep vocal ability to process. VVoice, visual, and typoing recording can be done. It is a depressing experiment, as nothing would be reversabile. But the years that will need to be dedicated to creating you mind the ability to function on all of these weakened senses would be draining. We would need to remove the need for hunger. Sealing of the stomach to a portion, and weakening to i don’t know. To many variables to comprehend. Experiments are nothing but variables. How do you lif a live on a world of variables. I don’t know yet. It hits and is sad to think of. But that is why we can’t comprehend further, is because we are still stuck in the traditional ideas of the world. If we reduce the world so that it is but a whisper, we may be able to change just how the world works. Electronic sensors in the brain so that we can see the thought. Typing would be processed by the person visualizing the words or letters.. Makes them exist based on words. Scan the brain to decode it’s internal imaging. If we can do so, we can learn to communicate freely, with no bounts, wirelessly, instantly. Wonderful.

--I feel so bad for his family to go through this. If only people were responsible.  Still doesn't mean guns are terrible. Just that like everything else in the world, terrible accidents can happen. I understand keeping a pistol in the night stand, but please lock the stand. Easy fix? Drill a decent size whole through the top and bottom of the nightstand and drawer. Re-enforce the holes with rubber. Drop a chain through and bring the to ends of the chain together. Use combination lock for added security of not needing a key to fumble for. Or, though kinda pricey, a thumb-print recognizer of some sort rigged to a padlock. Just keep your thumb our of reach in the event that you are a deep sleeper.

Also, if you kid is a serial killer, he will have already killed you to saw of your hand.--  -B


2:01pm Came down and to fairly well by immersing myself without music, into setting up a RSS Feed Reader. It centered my mind back on physical problem solving.

In closing to the above, this was the most intense meditation I have ever had. The whole time I was listening to the playlist of Today’s Dubstep Hits on Songza. I had my TB EF X12 with bass up. Realtek drivers set equalizer to powerful. Computer output volume max, headphone virtualizeation. High quality driver preset stuff I am to tired to look up right now. Also head set set to about 75% volume.

A lot of thinks were said in this meditation and felt as well, that I have not experienced before.. I don’t quite know what to make of them, but I know that I felt more than Aurora. I don’t know if Aura was extra emotional, or if There is someone extra masculine who feels passion like no other. I don’t know. I am tired, that’s for sure.

Much love, and thank you for reading: